I'm Homesick For Manicured Fairways

A few weeks ago I made the argument that there's no reason to watch the PGA Tour the rest of the year because Tiger's out of the mix and the game lacks any character(s), with its weekly rotating leaderboard of parity. Ever the stubborn golf fan, I tried giving this year's British Open a chance. I tried hard to talk myself into watching whether 53-year-old Greg Norman would hold off the defending champion.

I'm sure Padraig Harrington played well, I just didn't care to watch.

I turned away from the event for the excitementless field and because I've never enjoyed watching the British Open's greenary. I realize British Open golf courses are as old as the game itself, but it's just not that pretty to watch. Chalk it up to American overindulgence or just better weather, but I like manicured fairways, pine trees, and distinguishable course layouts. I know the British Open let's us watch pros make their way around a Links-style course, hitting low shots to handle the 30 MPH wind and tremendous up-and-downs out of 8-foot tall pot bunkers, but I'll take arching shots along Bermuda grass anyday.

For the record, the American media folks, I'm looking at you Mike Tirico, need to stop kissing the backside of the Brits by calling the British Open, "The Open Championship" or "The Open" just because that's what they call it over there. We have our own "Open" known as the US(!) Open so remember where your employer is located, though admittedly there's no audience here either. I bet he acknowledges knighthood in the States too. It's not prohibited in the Constitution (Article 9, Section 1, paragraph 8), but it's an unwritten rule from back when, you know, we broke away from England.

We shall settle this rules infraction with a duel!

To the satellite feed engineers from ABC...why has the transmission quality been so poor for as long as I remember? I realize the signal is being bounced over the Atlantic, but in today's age of television improvements, the picture quality has always looked one step above cable access. Swings are just a little out of focus and it's hard to find the ball before it hits the ground. There's a reason why NBC and CBS don't show the British Open and stay with stateside events. Of course the year the Ryder cup is played in Kentucky there's no Tiger.

The British Open is the forgotten major. The course looks different, the television picture isn't as clear, and too many courses could be confused with an overplayed municipal course.

Oh yeah, Tiger's not playing this year so it really doesn't count anyway. At least I get to wax lovingly about Tiger's 2009 Wii videogame soon.

Food Shortage In Howard County

We are facing an epidemic of pandemic proportions. For the last few months, supermarkets have not supplied Howard County citizens with the foods they need to survive. It is unreasonable, unfair, and unethical for those in power to supply good eats, to withhold product lines they deem unworthy of shelf space. It's difficult and almost impossible to live day-to-day without the foundation foods that our diets are built around. This must come to an end before we fire up the torches and sharpen our pitch forks.

Let's get those withholding SFGs!

Every Saturday morning,  I visit the Target/Safeway shopping center to purchase 95% of the same items for the week's eating, but for the last few months, I have been unable to locate any Sour Fruit Gushers (SFGs). I have looked at a few Giants and other Safeways without any luck.

What has happened to our beloved source of 13 grams of sugar per pouch? My only choices are to purchase the regular Fruit Gushers or the Safeway brand of sour fruit snacks. No thanks. Why buy the store brand “Cola” when the best choice by a mile is Coca-Cola? It’s SFGs or nothing.

The holy grail.

I haven’t found SFGs in the Safeway near my office, but I don't want to discount all of Montgomery County just yet. If such well to-do counties like MoCo and HoCo lack SFGs, then it could easily be a problem across the state.

I'm just a little outside of its demographics.

I've located SFGs in Virginia Safeways and make it a point to stock up. Two weeks ago, I was in Vienna and wiped out the store’s supply of Triple Berry Shock SFGs. The cashier may have thought I was crazy to purchase all six boxes, but I needed my fix.

Now two weeks removed from the SFG binge and all of the SFGs are gone (they're Kosher!) and I need help. I need help because I'm in my late 20s and still enjoy this adolescent sugary snack, and I need help because the nearest vendor is an hour away. So please, food suppliers of Maryland, bring back SFGs before things turn violent.

Need A Hair Tie? Look On The Sidewalk

I don't understand how any woman keeps her hair tied back when everywhere I look I see hair ties on the sidewalk, in the street, and on all public causeways, especially in front of Metro escalators. Are women leaving their hair ties to record their route in case they get lost like Hansel and Gretel? Maybe it's how you mark your turf in the suburbs? I suppose it's less expensive than graffiti.

In the first draft of the Brothers Grimm's tale, after Hansel ate all of the bread crumbs, Gretel found her way with hair ties.

I'm certainly no expert, but does the hair tie color imply something about the woman who left it behind? Your basic black hair tie implies a simple and practical woman who found her hair tie to be past its usefulness, though she surely has a pack of 50 to choose from at home. Just as every woman has a little black dress, every woman has many black hair ties (again, I have nothing to backup this claim).

Finding a stylized hair tie on the ground is like finding a Mickey Mantle rookie card laying next to it.

Hair ties with color and patterns are harder to find on the ground because these are more valuable and unique. Their wearers wear them after careful thought as I assume the specialized hair tie must match the outfit. Black hair ties go with anything, a red and yellow ribbed hair tie only goes with, well, I don't know, but certainly not everything. When a colorful hair tie reaches the ground, it must be broken or simply out of style for no woman would lose such an accessory by accident.

They might be glorified rubber bands, but hair ties are better than scrunchies. Nobody wants their face associated with them anymore.

MS Office - The Fight Club Arena

If you've ever used a computer, then you'll appreciate these two flash videos, Animator vs. Animation I and II. Regular random thoughts are in the blogging queue. Fear not.

For One Hour, I Was A Tennis Fan

Flipping through the channels, after a long weekend of driving through half of Maryland's counties and NoVa, I stumbled upon the fifth set of the Men's final set at Wimbledon...talk about great timing! The world's top two players, Rafael Nadal and the (already) legendary Roger Federer, were battling it out after going 4-6, 4-6, 7-6, and 7-6. The fifth set, won 9-7 by Nadal, ebbed and flowed, then ebbed some more and I was riveted. If you can't appreciate today's match, you're not a sports fan.

I had no interest in the winner, but I was nervous with each break point.

I have never called myself a tennis fan. I've always found that Men's matches lasted too long with their best out of five format; few volleys played out more than serve, weak return, cross-court winner; and everyone serves over 120 MPH. I appreciate the difficulty of high-level tennis, as I was "that" kid who always hit the ball over the tennis court's fencing, but I don't find myself mesmerized enough catch a random match. Yet, none of this mattered in today's match. Great athletes performing at their highest levels is always entertaining television.

Bring on the pundits who'll say this saved tennis; they're wrong. It's forever on life support.

Nadal and Federer traded entertaining and lengthy rallies, fought off multiple break and championship points, and gave us two clutch performances that transcended all sports. The best part for me was that I didn't prefer one player over the other; I could just enjoy the competition. Outside of watching your favorite player or team win, the best experience for a sports fan is watching a great competition without preference for the winner.

I only caught this match because I happened to press "channel down" on the remote. Some fan I am.

If this is as great as tennis gets, then sign me up as a frequent viewer, but therein lies the problem. Now a dying sport, tennis' best players in one of its greatest matches for a major championship barely registered on the general sports fan's radar. It's all or nothing for the sport, and 99% of the time it's nothing. That 1% is spectacular, but too many variables must match, too many stars must align, and it has to be raining outside for casual fans to make it appointment viewing.

A Federer-Nadal rivalry is great, but mass (American) men's tennis appeal comes from colorful characters (e.g., Connors, Agassi, and McEnroe) or domestic dynasties (e.g., Sampras).

For now, let's appreciate Federer's run of five consecutive Wimbledon titles from 2003-7 and enjoy this match's greatness. Who knows, it may not be until America's 250th birthday (that's 2026) before I watch tennis like this again...provided I'm just flipping through the channels.

An Apartment Addicted To Lotions

Everyone has a vice. Some vices are innocent enough (collecting G.I. Joes, Matchbox cars, and belly button lint) and some vices (drugs, gambling, blackmailing the local pizzeria owner) are illegal and put you in touch with some very bad people (e.g., mobsters from North Caldwell, NJ). I freely admit that I might be, possibly, in some roundabout way, perhaps, probably, kind of addicted to my vice, the Internet. I am not alone in needing help. The apartment is overrun with so many lotion iterations that the SO and I are drowning.

Confessing my addiction gives me the right to question others, right?

During every other trip to Target, the SO is compelled to feed her hand lotion addiction. Target knows what its doing by placing the beauty product aisles first so you consider them while you still think you have money to burn. Typically the SO will say, “I need some lotion because I’m low.” When I press her to elaborate on what lotion, how low, and what it does for her, she’s already well into the aisle and not coming back.

Full disclosure: I have a hand sanitizer at work and in the car, but at least it’s practical and I don't drink it.

Our apartment is overrun with lotions. The SO has separate moisturizers for her arms, hands, and legs in addition to travel sizes in her purse. She has no less than four hand lotions: Victoria's Secret Dream Angles, J&J's Melt-away Stress, Jeregen's Ultra Healing (shouldn't be needed if the other lotions did their jobs), something from Ralph Lauren, and some Warm Vanilla hand lotion. Of course we have the complimentary bag of lotions from our resort in St. Lucia. Just as well, she uses Carmex for her lips and lip balm when they are chapped (again, if the first one worked well you wouldn't need a second).







Do people still use this or was my reference dated?

What is it with women and their knowledge of lotions? Before meeting the SO, I meekly used a bar of soap in the shower to clean my face; the same bar I used for the rest of my body in the ultimate sign of bachelorhood hygiene. Now I use the aforementioned Noxzema, and get clean with body wash and a loofah. I didn't know what a loofah was until four years ago (but I must admit it feels nice).

Parents who use lotions will have children who use lotions?

I will always keep sunburn soothing aloe vera lotion at the ready.

A Very Moving DC Site...The Blackman Mobile!

The other day I took the Metro to the Maine Avenue Fish Market, just a few steps from L'Enfant Plaza and saw this fine automobile:

That's right, it's DC's own Batmobile...or is it?

Well, sort of. It's driven by Deron Cloud who calls himself: Blackman.

If you're stuck in DC traffic, you might as well do it in style.

Imagine ripping these parts at a chop shop.

Has anyone else seen this thing rolling around the District?