Over the last month I attended a Jewish wedding, a Christian wedding, a Hindu wedding, and a Muslim wedding (last night)...completing the 4-week religious wedding cycle. It helped that the Christian and Hindu weddings were for the same couple on the same day...a doubleheader if you will.
The only non-annoying bumper sticker I've ever seen.
Sure there are other religions and beliefs like Buddhism, Atheism, (the equivalent of a no-hitter?), and being Agnostic, but the fact that I haven't found any reference to a religious wedding cycle before, allows me to claim mine as the first. My cycle covers the 3 most populous religions in Christianity, Hindu, and Islam, as well as some of the oldest in Judaism and Hinduism (both BC).
No matter the religion...we all enjoy weddings and say congratulations with the same voice.
Ceremonies lasted as long as 30-45 minutes (Judaism, Christianity, and Hinduism) to not seeing the ceremony for the Muslim wedding. I was in the bridal party for one, corrected programs being handed out for another, and was a casual bystander for the finale. Dinners ranged from chicken to Indian buffet to lots of lamb. The weddings took me from Shaker Heights to the Dulles Hilton and to Princeton. Reception music ranged from 70s disco to DMX to traditional Muslim music from Egypt.
So yeah. The weddings differed quite a bit, but all had one bride and one groom in love and announcing it to the world. And that knows no religious difference.
Just a few days after I saw Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson doing the athlete-celebrity thing at the AT&T National, the couple is no more. This isn't such a surprise because they've broken up a million times before according to US Weekly. What's bad news for them is good news for me because I can segue smoothly to a belated post about my time at the Pro-Am with my dad.
Onto the pictures!
We went to the pro-am because Tiger doesn't' allow cameras on the course during the tournament. One pro with three amateurs meant you could easily tell whose ball was whose...and in this case it's the one 5 feet from the flag.
Congressional's blue course sure doesn't look like the muni courses I play...the fairways were actually green!
Here's B and T Crowd in action...rocking the sunhat because his dermatologist said so.
Vijay Singh is one tall guy...
...who hits the ball a mile.
Bring your larger bills if you get hungry...$3 for a PB&J!!
Why do all amateurs insist on swinging harder when K.J. Choi's fluid swing shows you don't need to in order to hit it with a slight fade over 300 yards?
Tiger Woods was paired with Tony Romo. With Romo playing with a 2 handicap, he hit just as close as Tiger most of the time.
Tiger let his caddie, a military vet, take his putt for birdie, as did Romo.
Tiger's headcover...sweet! I wonder what it'd get on Ebay.
Tiger's upper back and shoulders looking trim. He was all of 5 feet from me, but somehow, despite sharing cubic centimeters of oxygen together, none of his ability transferred to me.That's right, I breathed his golfing carbon dioxide.
Tiger crushing the ball on #8 after I told him to hurry up with my battery running low. He makes it look so easy and hits the ball so hard and so far that it's just not fair. His tee shots sounded crisper than all the other pros.
Here's what it looks and sounds like from a real videocamera and not my 3.1 MP dinosaur.
Pick your next life...QB for the Cowboys and a great golfer...or the best golfer on the planet and married to a Swedish nanny. I'm taking door #2.
Tiger's event supports military veterans and their families. All members of the military got in for free and were given complimentary food, drinks, etc. in their own pavilion.
With time to spare on my way to a wedding in Shaker Heights, OH, this weekend, I visited the only roadside attraction on the Pennsylvania Turnpike...the world's largest Big Mac (exit 67 off I-76).
Despite having eaten a Big Mac maybe once before, I can still appreciate its intrinsic artistic architecture. It's that whole combination of "two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" with its 29 grams of fat and 1,040 mg of sodium that make it so American.
Yep, the Big Mac has it's own museum in the middle of Pennsylvania. How glorious!
I see something behind that window...could it be???
Yes! There it is...Fast food's version of Michelangelo's "David."
It was big alright, but I was disappointed to find out it wasn't edible.
Imagine my lactose intolerant self eating these cheese slices!
Bow before the great artery clogger.
The grand unveiling!
Just when this waste of 5 minutes of my life couldn't get any better...there were Playstation 1 games!
Is this really the top video on YouTube for "Big Mac?"
Probably not a good thing to make management into bobbleheads.
Sadly, the Big Mac museum was a much better experience than the Pro Football Hall of Fame a few days later.
Like any good worker in DC, I just had to try and catch a glimpse of Reese Witherspoon doing her thing in another chick flick/romantic comedy that I'll be dragged to; tentatively titled "How Do You Know" and directed by James L. Brooks of "Broadcast News" fame. This time Owen Wilson is a Nationals player who woos Reese (I think). Of course it takes a movie to make the Nationals look like winners and to fill the stadium with cheering Washington fans.
Unfortunately, I spent 15 minutes of my life standing across from the National Gallery to see either actor to no avail. So what follows are my celebrityless shots, mixed in with celebrity pictures taken by others with better lenses and more time to get better angles. Sorry, but I do have to get home to make dinner at a reasonable hour.
Somewhere, behind the tents, staff, and light sheets, Reese was there...I think.
Reese walks with purpose...like DC workers trying to clock in for the day.
Warning, you might be in the movie if you stand here...
...that is unless this bottom of the barrel production assistant has his way. Those shades made him look so Hollywood...his college English professor style and super power trip makes him so much awesomer than everything. At least the other PAs I spoke with were cool.
These extras must have done their walks 15 times while I was there. It isn't so glamorous.
The only acting I saw. Just breathtaking work on my part, I know.
Would Reese dare to wear anything from this rack?
Yesterday, Reese ran on the Mall just like me!
Reese (or her character) shows me that it's okay, even for beautiful people, to (fake) vomit from a tough run on the Mall. Nevermind that the Mall is totally flat.
The latest media frivolity to irk me enough to waste Google's blogging space is how crime & punishment/crime & justice/law & order reporters pose like they're really tough. Making yourself seem like a bully dressed in business casual clothes isn't fooling anyone. How about you just, I don't know, report the story and let it stand on its own? This is found in the dying field that is newspaper reporting as well as news for lazy thinkers that is your local news broadcast.
Is it too much to ask these guys to just have their pictures taken without them trying be all tough? No study has shown a relation between taking an aggressive headshot and better writing. Looking strong doesn't mean you're taking a strong stance on crime. It doesn't validate your reporting or make you any more credible. It just makes you look like other crime & justice reporters who are scared.
Crime and justice reporters have nothing on NKOTB when it comes to being the toughest. Are you tough enough?
For your amusement, I present an assortment of these tough guys and gals on crime who "are working for you," "are on your side," and "are taking on the big guys" so "you're not scammed." I'm not judging what they write (because I haven't read any of their work), but how they're presented.
Peter Hermann (Baltimore Sun) - Just about the most pensive crossed arm stance you can take. This actually makes him look scared instead of tough. Would it have killed him to iron his khakis? How about buying a pair that's the right length for your inseam? I don't iron mine, but for the one day when I'd have my picture taken I would have found one, damnit. Also, the Sun's art department did him no favors shrinking his head.
Amanda Lamb (WRAL-TV (North Carolina)) - An innocent picture because it lacks arm crossing, but a closer look reveals an aggressive facial contortion asking if you wanna fight. "Come on punk, just try me." Resting her head on the bent arm and fist says she means business. Of course she just had to be shot in front of a brick wall as if she's always on the street looking for stories. Excellent makeup foundation work though.
Freeman Klopott and Scott McCabe (Washington Examiner) - I love the dual crossed arms! It's so intense. And the way Freeman (I think he's on the left) rolled up his sleeves shows you how hard he's working...that's right, so hard he had to roll them up! They sure look pissed off and serious about reporting crime. No smiles here. If the Examiner was as serious about reporter posing as these guys show, it could at least increase their picture's resolution.
Carrie Petersen (Albany (Oregon) Democrat Herald) - Proof that not every crime beat reporter has to intimidate readers for visual validity. Oh my gosh, she's actually smiling in her profile picture! And what's that? She's in the newsroom! How will the Democrat Herald ever get people to read her crime reports? Oh that's right, they'll read it because of its quality.
On today’s red line trip toward Silver Spring, I saw the first nominee for Metro’s Dumb Rider of the Year Award. We stopped at Metro Center around 6:45 this morning. After the usual shuffling of people getting off, the wave of riders coming onboard made their way, being reminded to “use all available doors.” Despite that, they kept packing themselves through the middle door of my middle car. Nevermind they were also told repeatedly that a near empty train with available seats would follow a minute later.
I say let's replace doors with saws to teach people not to take their chances when doors are closing. And yes, that's my not-so-handy photoediting.
As I sat comfortably in my front row seat, I heard the warning “doo-doo doo-doo” chime that the doors were about to close. The conductor reminded those on the platform that the doors were closing. Finally, the automated announcement also warned folks that “the doors are about to close.” All of this means that the doors were about to close, got it?
Apparently not everyone did.
Coming to the car door was someone who I can only assume was not a tourist, as she lacked the fanny pack, camera, hat, shorts, and T-shirt that are only worn by tourists on the Metro during rush hour. Despite the closing door warnings, she lurched toward the opening only to have the doors close on her.
At 1:05 of this Metro advice video, you see what happens when your limbs are in the way of the closing doors.
As she leaned in like a sprinter at the finish line, the doors brushed her shoulders and began putting the squeeze on her. With the doors halfway closed (or opened depending on your outlook on life), the conductor reopened them to let her retain some limbs for the ride.
Remember, “Metro doors don’t work like elevator doors,” so says the lady from the speakers.
What makes her different from other stupid Metro riders?
She was pushing a baby in a stroller! The stroller made it on first with ease, meaning this mother was almost separated from her baby!
Come on people.
You know the doors don’t play around, yet you continue to push your luck. It’s stupid. I even sat there calling her stupid for trying. There’s nothing other riders can do to help a squeezed person until they want to risk losing a finger when the doors close quickly.
You deserve to lose that baby, ummm, I mean bag.
I know it’s wrong to criticize another parent, but in this case it’s fair to be wrong…don’t put yourself in a position that may sever you from your baby. After the umbilical cord’s cut, it’s up to you make sure you're together…don’t make it any harder than it needs to be.
Despite my best efforts with Tivo, sometimes I end up watching TV as it airs and catch a commercial or two. The experience is only made worse when I catch one of Pizza Hut's commercials for its line of, most assuredly, craptacular pasta meals. I take issue with its premise, legality, and ability to insult viewers.
Count your blessings if you haven't noticed this ad. Here's the plot: Pizza Hut takes a blindfolded family out to an Italian restaurant only to instead have them return home and eat Pizza Hut pasta meals at at their dining room table. It's so clever! After removing their blindfolds the family members are amazed they're eating Pizza Hut pasta and proceed to feign happiness for the taste.
Come to Pizza Huts in India for Bhangra dancing, not good food.
The entire premise is a hoax. No matter how dumb Americans are, no matter how desperate they are for money (appearance fees), and no matter how hungry they are for fame, nobody would agree to be in a Pizza Hut commercial after being fooled. Actually, those are all reasons why they'd agree to be in the commercial. That is, if they aren't the actors we know they are.
Anyway. Let's say they're ordinary people. Why would you agree to be blindfolded and taken out of your house to a restaurant? How would you know to trust the people to take you as promised? Hello! You're agreeing to be kidnapped out of your home for a free meal! WTF? Oh sure, just make sure you lock up when we leave into your unmarked van at night and don't forget to walk the dog.
This is how a real taste test of Pizza Hut's awful pasta would go.
Let's say the blindfoldees locked their house and then had their blindfolds placed over their eyes. The van they're taken in drives around the block only to return them to their home. In the ad they're taken back to their dining room table with blindfolds still on. Does this mean they let themselves back inside? That destroys the premise of any natural surprise of eating at home instead of the restaurant because they'd, well, know their at home. If they went to a restaurant, wouldn't they hear lots of people talking and noise from plates and silverware clanging?
Don't tell me they trusted their kidnappers with their keys. If you agree to be kidnapped to a restaurant you'd have no need to give them the keys because you're just taking the blindfold off before you leave the restaurant. Call me crazy (or pathetic for overthinking this commercial), but whenever I agree to be kidnapped for a restaurant taste test, I'm holding onto my keys and wallet, but I'm losing plenty of dignity. Pizza Hut crime #1: Kidnapping an entire group of actors middle class family.
It's better if you suppose the "family" held onto its keys. This means the only way for Pizza Hut to get the family back inside with blindfolds on was to break into the house. It doesn't take being married to a second-year law student to know that this is breaking and entering (crime #2). I suppose Pizza Hut broke into the house while they family was in the van. Plausible? Not really, but let's go with it.
The family is then directed back up its walkway, something they'd recognize for sure. What restaurant has a generic suburbia stone path from a driveway? The family is now back at home at their dining room table. You'd think they'd recognize the chairs they're sitting on, maybe the table they're leaning on. How about the smell of the house and familiar floor creaks? Of course not, that would make too much sense.
Why order a meatlovers pizza when you can't identify the meat?
They sit down and try the processed pasta and what do you know, but they manage not to instantly regurgitate it back on their plates. It's a miracle! They say things like it tastes better than manure, has less flies in it than roadkill, and smells like milk left in the sun for a week. I can't wait to order.
Of course there's the big reveal when the blindfolds are raised and they're all shocked it's from Pizza Hut yet they're at home. I'd be pissed off that Pizza Hut kidnapped my family only to break and enter into my house and serve me "pasta" from a company whose pizza tastes like cardboard. How about instead of being "wowed" by the taste, you get angry that these strangers are you in your house and have placed several hidden cameras everywhere. Have you checked your bathrooms for video outputs?
Just perfect.
The commercial's entire premise is awful. Who are the advertising wizards who thought of this one? Who would even buy their pasta from Pizza Hut? A company competing in the pizza-tastes-like-cardboard category against the likes of Dominoes, Papa Johns, and Cici's (the best of the lame choices). Making your own pasta is cheaper, healthier, and an easy way to decrease criminal activity in your neighborhood.
The only non-annoying bumper sticker I've ever seen.
