3 Inches of Snow is Somehow Worse than Layers of Ice

Let me get this straight...the government will close for 3 inches of snow, but when there's an average of 0.75 inches of ice, schools are closed, airports are closed, and it's dangerous to drive on even major roadways, OPM gives a 2-hour delay...that's just not right.

Do You Recall The Day...The Duvet Died

In a vain attempt at catching up with chores and hobbies I haven’t had time to do (like blogging), it was time to wash my duvet cover and duvet (a great addition to 400-thread count sheets). The first-third of the duvet had no trouble getting inside the washing machine’s drum, but the second-third required plenty of elbow grease, all of which meant the third-third wasn’t going in without a fight. I started to get worried. I thought about asking Magnús Ver Magnússon of “The World’s Strongest Man” and ESPN afternoon programming fame to try with all of his might, but there was too much fabric even for him. Now I was in trouble.

All the muscles in the world couldn't get my duvet in the washing machine.

90% of the duvet was submerged in Tide detergent and water, including the duvet’s clean and care tag that said, “machine wash cold in high capacity washer.” Oh, so now you tell me that washer size makes a difference? The washer could always handle my comforter so I didn’t think the duvet was that different. (Magnus and) I decided it was best to let the washer run its cycle with the remaining duvet outside of the drum scrunched by the washer’s door at the top.

About 30 minutes later, I checked on the duvet and learned when something doesn’t fit below the soapy waterline, it’s not going to get washed and neither is anything below. The duvet had become a sponge of Tide, water, and my stupidity. From the start, I could have easily taken it to the dry cleaners or some laundromat, but noooooo, I was determined to be a hermit and not leave the apartment.

If you want it clean, do the opposite of what I'd do.

When I removed the duvet, areas at the bottom had not dried nor washed completely, and only created more suds with every tug. While I could have tried placing it the dryer, I figured that a dryer will only fit as much clothing as the washer it’s connected to...who knew? It was time for it to be dried the natural way…by placing it on the balcony for the sun. Once it was dry, I could take it to the dry cleaners for a real cleaning.

The days before full capacity machines, female breadwinners, and the Feminine Mystique.

I made a double-bagged garbage bag and placed the wettest portion of the duvet inside to decrease spillage. With the bag in one hand and the rest of the duvet propped and dripping on my t-shirt, I got the duvet downstairs and onto the balcony. The trail of spots left in my path was like a Family Circus cartoon. With half the duvet on each side of the balcony fence, all I had to do was dry the area around the washing machine, wait for the duvet to dry, and take it to the dry cleaners to clean my mess. The only problem with placing a wet duvet outside this time of year is the scientific phenomena called the “freezing point of water.”

Apparently this only works if the clothes have already had the soap removed.

Yep, it was under 32 degrees outside which solidified the duvet. Not only was the duvet wet, soapy, made dirty by the balcony fence, but it was also rigid. Still believing the duvet could be salvaged, I placed it in my bathtub to dry, but it wasn’t to be. The next day, I threw the duvet in the dumpster and began searching for a new one. It had lived a good life, but deserved a better ending and at least some sort of eulogy. With all of the professions in the world, I can confidently remove alternative down duvet cleaner from my list.

Improve Your Life Before Super Bowl XLI

Now that we have our teams for Super Bowl XLI (I think all elementary school teachers thank the NFL for using roman numerals so they have a real-life example why their students should learn roman numerals), it's now time for my annual two-week sabbatical from all things sports-talk, -center, -highlight, -analysis, -writing. -prediction, -reporting, and -media related. It’s just too much hype to handle. If you’ve followed enough of the league, there’s nothing new to learn unless you really have to know that Chicago’s team arrived in Miami under sunny skies. Writers need to fill their copy and reach their word counts so the smallest thing becomes headline news. Also, once someone has an original thought, it quickly becomes everyone’s thought (see Jerome Bettis’ return to Detroit last year). What we get treated to is the same story in every market.

Is it possible to hype the already super-hyped?

There’s nothing to gain from media day press conferences in Miami except for filler material. No coach or player is going to tell the press how their team is going to beat Chicago’s Cover-2 defense or the defensive line stunts the Bears are using to pressure Peyton Manning. On cue, these media days are so boring that a handful of people (some executive producers call them comedians) will ask questions wholly unrelated to football that are not only not funny (still with me?), but also satirize the whole concept of anything coming out of the next two weeks that fans of either team and the NFL need to know. Maybe these humorists are onto something. This also creates another layer of Super Bowl hype in which Super Bowl hype writers will complain about the work of other Super Bowl hype writers/comedians.

Oh, so you put your left sock on first on gameday? What a scoop!

I’ll admit that with this little’ol blog entry, I’m only adding another layer to the unnecessary pre-Super Bowl content available. While it’s also frustrating to read something about Super Bowl hype that serves only to complain about Super Bowl hype writers who complain about other Super Bowl hype writers (and media day comedians), at least you’ve just received your filling of Super Bowl hype. Congratulations.

Maybe this really is a comedy club afterall.

For the next two weeks, you may pursue a hobby, spend time with your family, or complete some home repair with the time you had set aside for pregame shows, ESPN (heavy on graphics and quick cuts, but short on content) segments, and Michael Wilbon fluff columns (I’m going to guess at least a few will be about the Bears and his Chicago childhood, sports profiles that never illuminate their subjects, and uncontroversial opinion pieces that only serve to drop names).

May the hype machine’s gears never get going.

Eating Chinese Food on Christmas Song

In addtion to Adam Sandler's classic "Channukah Song", checkout these two, courtesy of YouTube:

Eating Chinese Food on Christmas (good lyrics and even better piano chords, but I'd avoid the high-pitched voice that remind me of Sandler's niche):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtUYaSfC20Y

A classic from the queen of Jewish songs, Debbie Friedman (are there any Jewish songs that weren't written by her?):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwb1PnLcchw&NR

Breaking News: Not Everyone Celebrates Christmas and Not Everyone Should Be a Reporter

Ugh. I remember a time long ago in J-School when I learned it was a reporter's job to report without bias, without imprinting his/her opinion, and without verbiage that leads the reader to unsubstantiated conclusions. I was told to let the facts speak for themselves. Lo and behold an article from Reuters comes along with an update on the Seattle Rabbi who is drawing the ire of the general population's ignorant sect, when he asked Seattle-Tacoma International Airport to recognize more than just one religion this holiday season.

The Rabbi asked the airport's officials to install an 8-foot Menorah as a compliment to the 9 to 14 Christmas trees (depending on which article you read). It's a simple request to recognize there is more than one religion celebrating its happytime holiday in December. The Rabbi did ask for an official Menorah lighting ceremony, but if there was no Christmas tree lighting event, it's only fair to not have one for the Menorah. Fine. Let's not have a lighting ceremony and just setup the Menorah so we can all go home and sleep well. If only common sense would ever prevail.

The Rabbi's desire to have equal (as equal as 1 Menorah is to 14 trees) representation and acknowledgement is fair and understandable, so why do members of the media (not those talking heads/pundits) still insinuate the Rabbi is wrong? Snippets of the lazy Reuters writing follows:

..Seattle airport officials took down its Christmas trees in response to his request to include a giant Menorah in the airport's holiday decorations...

Excuse me? A "giant Menorah"? Some of the trees are 15-feet tall (depending on the source) so how does that make the single Menorah "giant"? A 20-foot Menorah would be giant, gaudy, and probably a fire hazard.

...Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky threatened to sue the Port of Seattle, which operates the airport, if it did not include a menorah into its holiday decorations.

Nevermind that threatening legal action isn't worthwhile because the trial probably wouldn't occur until it'd be time for a Valentine's Day lawsuit, but the copy editor needs to ensure Menorah is properly written with a capital "M". This has nothing to do with this post's central topic, but the editor has to take some blame - not only for the "m", but for the article's content.

The removal of the trees sparked a public outcry over what some say was political correctness run amok and part of a trend to adopt a secular tone toward Christmas.

Mr. or Ms. Reporter, would you mind quoting a specific person instead of letting us know that some say this? Just how many people is some? Political correctness run amok is one way for the majority to hide behind its desire to keep ignoring the minority. A secular tone toward Christmas is patently ignorant. Heaven forbid the some realize the world is not viewed only through their faith's eyes. 33% of the world follows a faith that celebrates Christmas, so by my shoddy math that means 66% of the world doesn't. Let's ignore that and, while we're at it, the Constitution that requires all faiths to be recognized. While I'm here, public outcry is way over-the-top.

A fine movie on TBS a few weekends every year...and Reuters' style of writing.

The rest of the article reads well, but thanks to the inverted pyramid, the majority of readers (because most aren't of a certain mindset) will gather that the Rabbi, and therefore all Jews, hates Christmas - nothing could be further from the truth.

I wanted to post this entry last night until news came that the airport was reinstalling the 14(?) trees (some of which were 15-20 feet tall) in the airport. Courtesy of the Associated Press:

Airport managers believed that if they allowed the addition of an 8-foot-tall menorah to the display, as Seattle Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky had requested, they would also have to display symbols of other religions and cultures.

It's okay to only display Christmas trees and no other religions? How can someone be so insensitive? If the airport managers were in the Rabbi's shoes and saw what it was like to not have your faith placed on equal footing (bad pun), they would certainly have come to a different decision.

Airport workers did not have time to do that during the busy travel season, Airport Director Mark Reis said.

It really takes THAT much time to setup the Menorah and plug it in? How about installing "only" 13 trees and using the time that would've been spent on the 14th tree to setup the Menorah instead? As long as it's not a union issue, I'm sure the Rabbi would gladly setup the Menorah for Mr. Reis. I'm sure Mark Reis is a very busy person, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have enough time to be anything more than a coward.

Is it that hard for those sending hate mail and leaving angry phone calls to understand where the Rabbi is coming from? What if the airport was adorned with dreidals, Menorahs, and manequins wearing Uwole, and every worker asked how your Eid was? The some would suddenly feel disrespected that they and their beliefs weren't recognized in a public building. The Rabbi never asked to remove the trees, but to just add one (not 14) Menorahs. Asking to be recognized with a tree in the lobby would suddenly become a priority for the ignoramuses.

Curse you Giants and Redskins!

Another enjoyable Sunday watching the Redskins lose was once again ruined when the Giants blew it today versus the Cowboys. The Giants had just tied the game with a minute to go, only to let the Cowboys and (my fantasy team's QB) Tony Romo march down the field with a long pass that gave way to the winning field goal. As great as it has been to watch the Redskins struggle through another season of hype and promise, it has been very taxing to watch the Giants go from contenders to pretenders in a very weak conference during this 4-game losing streak. Knowing the NFL and all of its parity, the Giants could just as easily win out the rest of the way, but I'm not holding my breath.

Mom, can you pass the side of norovirus or gastroenteritis?

My SO and I rode north to New Jersey for Thanksgiving this year for her first turkey eating with her soon-to-be in-laws, while I return the family visitation over Christmas. There were two events of note this day…neither my sister nor I had to do any leaf raking and I voluntarily peeled all potatoes and apples (it helps that I negotiated a deal to watch football on the HDTV in the kitchen). We sat for dinner around 4, said thanks, released some tears, and enjoyed some laughs. The food was great (as usual) and I made sure to enjoy my can of cranberry sauce. After cleaning up, my mom’s friend visited and we enjoyed mommy’s homemade apple pie and (thanks to my SO’s request) pumpkin pie.

Friday was spent visiting friends, showing-off the ring, and finishing off my faithful Chicago reader’s chocolate chip cookies. Dinner was leftovers so when my SO and I arrived around 6:30 for chow, we saw that the leftovers were still leftover.

This was no match for my stomach virus.

My sister was upstairs where she got to view Thursday’s meal another time. My dad was in the same boat and occupied the other bathroom on the second floor. My mom had been showing signs since Thursday afternoon that she wasn’t feeling so hot either. I wasn’t feeling bad, but I also wasn’t hungry – something I should have been because lunch was seven hours ago. The only non-stomach virus members went to the store to buy soup, coca-cola (for its syrup), and some gaviscon. As we were checking out, my stomach started its freefall.

I left my SO around 10 to test my old bathroom’s flushing capability and share the company of my sister and mom. My sister and I were on a bike chain that was constantly in motion from her room to the bathroom. We took turns on 3-minute intervals and eventually worked our way to 10 minutes. By then I was trying to sleep in my old room, but still woke-up at least twice an hour to take care of business.

Rumble, rumble, rumble goes the tummy.

Flush, flush, flush goes the toilet.

Dawn broke on Saturday with my immediate family still feeling the wrath of gastroenteritis. Our plans to go into the city to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art and have dinner weren’t going to happen. I needed to rehydrate, but I only felt worse after a few sips of water. My SO showed no signs of the illness and was relegated to a day with her soon to be in-laws who felt horrible. She was a trooper though and stayed with us. By 4 that afternoon, my sister was feeling much better so she and my SO went to the mall to break their cabin fever. My mom was also feeling better, but my father and I weren’t 100%. My body still ached and my stomach could barely stomach (haha) two slices of toast. My dad got a violent case of hiccups and was taken to the ER by my mom. My sister and SO returned and we checked on my dad who was doing much better. We picked-up some Chinese food (white rice for my sensitive stomach) and waited for my parents to get back from the hospital.

The meal was without incident until 9. That’s when it became apparent that my SO’s hunger pains a few hours before weren’t hunger pains as she got to see her Chinese food again and again. She and I switched roles as I got some restless, but bathroom-trip free sleep and she was upstairs in my bedroom for quick access to the bathroom. This proved our theory wrong that it was the turkey’s white meat to blame. My SO only ate dark meat and since she hadn’t gotten sick we thought it was a combination of eating white meat, the turkey being organic, and the refrigerator not working well enough to prevent bacteria. Lo and behold, it was something beyond my mom’s cooking as she has never undercooked anything, always using a meat thermometer and a very sterile kitchen to prevent any illness.

You know it's coming back up.

By Sunday, my parents, sister, and I were feeling better so we had our reliable breakfast before leaving of lox, bagels, cream cheese, tomatoes, and onions. I thought my stomach was ready for the acidic combination, but I was uncomfortably wrong. My SO and I stayed later than we expected and left around 3 when we had a window of no nausea. The drive home only took an hour longer than normal and we timed it well so we missed traffic for the Jets, Ravens, and Redskins home games at 1. It also helps when you have zero desire to stop for dinner. From Friday's lunch through Tuesday, I had gotten by on some white rice, a few slices of bread, and soup. Things are better now having had a real lunch today, but I’m not about to be the first in line for any heavy significant food for a few more days.

I think this should be a new diet. The best way to lose weight over the holidays is to get yourself a horrible stomach virus, but at least we weren't on a cruise like these folks.