Pseudo Computer Guy

Consider this the first (or a warning depending on your view) of who knows how many entries about things I've learned about my computer. Don't worry, this blog isn't suddenly a computer blog, but a computer entry is to be expected on days when I have no traffic complaints. If all goes well, as in that I actually write them, they'll include talk about converting different types of media for free of course, other free programs that have become very useful in keeping my 350 MHZ Dell computer able to (barely) keep up with the heavier programs (though it did crash three weeks ago), and whatever nonsense I care to share and only hope someone actually reads. Don't expect incredibly in-depth reviews, but the programs I mention are solid downloads that I've used for years and I'll give some bare bones advice on how to use'em well.

A book on computer programming might as well be in another language for me.

I won't get bogged down in any techno-babble since I wouldn't know what I'd be saying anyway. I apologize in advance for some longer techno entries, but I wanted to layout how I determined each step. I admit I really enjoy mixing things up with my computer and have since my Commodore 64, IBM PS/1, and my current Dell. Perhaps, if memory serves me well, they'll have their own blog entries. I never took a computer science or computer engineering course and am self-taught (for the most part) on lots of things. By self-taught I mean lots of trial and (even more) error, all of which lets me be the IT guy for my family and a friend or two. Until then, enjoy the first one about free ringtones appearing tomorrow. Commence napping.

Don't Drop The Soap Around These Two

So it's clear that Maryland won't make the NCAA tournament and I don't think the team deserves an NIT bid. When this happens, it just lets me put more energy into rooting against Duke winning the title. While I never want them to win it all, it'd be especially nice this year if Gay Gay Redick, with his poetry and backne didn't win so he'd graduate without a title. With this in mind, here's a nice satire of Ratface:

Coach K's Commcercial

Gotta love photoshop.

Redick's defense.

A Lifetime Contract To Suck On Sports Radio

One aspect of the NYC metro area that exceeds anything around DC is in sports radio. Outside of Tony Kornheiser, WTEM (could its website be any busier?) offers a horrendous selection of sports personalities. Tony's show is excellent and it's not just because of what's around here for comparison. His humor, guests (especially Bob Ryan), and pop culture talk make for a nice combination. Though a little more sports knowledge would be nice, it's not a deal breaker.

Outside of Tony, WTEM airs ESPN Radio for the morning drive which was already documented in this blog entry. Dan Patrick gets on the mic after Tony, but he just tries too hard in creating conflict with his guests when there is none. There's also lots of Redskins talk and some guys who host after 5, but I never turn on AM for the drive home so I can't say for them.

I can't believe they pay me to suck so bad.

Despite these unlistenable (just go with it) hosts, the worst sports radio host in history (and the future) is John Thompson. The former G'town coach can coach ball, but he can't host a show to save his life. I don't have any issues with the sound of his voice. I just have an issue with what I hear out of it. Just to avoid any sound of his voice, even for a second, I won't even go by the 980 preset when he's on. Instead, I'll just go back the other way because it's just not worth the risk of wasting any of my life. And the worst part of WTEM and John Thompson is that he just signed a freakin' lifetime contract - to presumably stop any legit sports radio from airing between 3 and 5 PM. I know PR tends to stretch the truth, but this release must have been written by someone who doesn't have ears.

While he knows the game of basketball, he's not good at talking about it. When he tries talking about other sports it's just awful because he knows so little and forces us to listen to a rambling man. He asks questions to his guests that insult them and the listeners. Here's a paraphrased transcript that you'd typically hear on his show - in this case he's talking to, oh, I don't know, MD head football coach Ralph Friedgen.

I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

John Thompson (JT): Welcome back to the John Thompson show. I'm your host, John Thompson. Oh really? I wasn't sure if a show named after you would be hosted by you or that you'd actually speak on your own show or that people in the DC area wouldn't know the sound of your voice. I'm here with Rick "Doc" Walker and Smokin' Al Koken getting ready to talk a little Maryland Football.

(On a side note, I feel bad for Walker and Koken who have to answer Thompson's elementary questions and put up with his dumbing-down of topics. I don't listen enough to know if they're any good on the show, but I do know that Walker tries to overspeak during football game broadcasts.)

I hope nobody realizes how bad this show is. And yes, I'm getting by on my nickname.

Rick Walker (RW): I'm ready to go coach.

Al Koken (AK): It was a rough year so let's see what he has to say.

JT: And now we've got the head coach of the Maryland football program, Mr. Ralph Friedgen, the Fridge. Welcome to the show. I almost forgot to mention that JT speaks so slowly, it's as if he tries doing a 2-hour broadcast by stretching 45 minutes worth of content.

Ralph Friedgen (RF): Thanks coach for having me.

JT: Now coach Friedgen, your team didn't win all of its games last year. What do you think will happen next year? Ummm, coach, only one team won all of its games last years. Do you know anything about good questions?

RF: (generic coach speak)

JT: This is John Thompson and we're here with the head coach of the football team out there in College Park, the Fridge, Ralph Friedgen. JT has a most enjoyable habit of giving a programming ID every 3 minutes. Now coach, tell me about your recruits. What do you think they'll do for you this year? I'm giving JT a little too much credit for even asking these questions.

RF: (generic coach speak)

JT: You're listening to the John Thompson show, here on sportstalk 980. We're talking to the main man at Maryland, Ralph "the fridge" Friedgen.

Has it already been a whole 3 minutes since I last told you what you're listening too?

RW: Hey coach, this is Doc Walker, I'm a painfully average host of any TV or radio shows and never tell the viewer something that isn't already known, but somehow I'm on lots of different outlets. How will losing Vernon Davis hurt you this year? It was Walker who, in the middle of a great play by Davis this year, interrupted the play-by-play and just kept saying "Cyborg, cyborg, cyborg". It really sounded as strange as it reads.

RF: (generic coach speak)

JT: Well thanks coach Friedgen for joining us here today on WTEM sportstalk 980. Now it's time to talk a little baseball. The ol'pastime. Now tell me Al, we've got the Nationals here in Washington D.C. and the Orioles in Baltimore. Are they looking good this year? Explain to me this whole Sammy Sosa deal. Is he a good player? DC is having some trouble with the stadium so what's the latest with that? In the game of baseball, what does it mean when someone hits a triple?

AK: (does his best to answer the elementary school questions with elementary school answers so JT doesn't get overwhelmed)

JT: This is John Thompson, on sportstalk 980, WTEM. Here in Washington D.C. I'm here with Smokin' Al Koken and Doc Walker and we're talking a little baseball here.

Words People Mispronounce In These Parts

I'm from Jersey. You wanna fight about it? Since I've been living in the deep south (well as far south as metro DC), I've noticed folks don't speak with the same "accent" as me. For the record, anything south of the Jersey shore might as well be the deep south for me. Can I get a Point Pleasant shoutout? (Sorry, that was pathetic.) My Jersey accent isn't really that strong, but it does make an appearance in some words. Here is a list of words that people from these parts mispronounce, since it's clear that my speaking manner is surely (not) the right one.

You say orange (or-inj)...I say arnj

You say carmel (car-mel)...I say cayr-a-mel

You say pecan (pe-con)...I say pee-con (this might be closer to tomayto/tomahto and not location-based)

You say water (wa-ter)...I say wer-ter (I get the most grief for this one)

You say egg (eh-gg)...I say ay-gg

"That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?"

http://www.garnersclassics.com/wavs/dumb/accent.wav

I've also had trouble distinguishing between Mary, merry, and marry. Perhaps I just have a speech impediment, or perhaps it's just an accent, or perhaps anyone not from my hometown thinks my accent is a speech impediment. Whatever the case, let it be known that I've never heard any Jerseyite call our state Joy-zee.

Greatest...Washington...DC...Map...Ever

Since it's Friday and I'm in a good mood, I'm going to let you know about the greatest DC metro area map ever. I'm sure you've heard claims for the greatness of other maps, but none compares to this one:

http://maps.mapnetwork.com/dc/wctc/index.asp

It allows you to overlay accomodations, attractions, dining, entertainment, nightlife, and peforming arts locations over the entire area. Best of all, it will overlay the entire Metro system on the map so you know if you're anywhere near a stop. You can also place and label you own places of interest. This is so great that it's like Channukah (or whatever holiday you want) in February. Just because some of you like pictures (and I'll take any google images visitors I can get), the map, at the very least, combines the following (Enjoy!):

+

Get Your Ferrari - Now 50% Off!

On Tuesday morning, a really expensive Ferrari (as if there is such a thing as an inexpensive model) hit a telephone pole and split in half. Police are looking for the driver who survived thanks to airbag deployment. The Ferrari Enzo was one of only 400 made and worth between $600K and $1 million. The passenger, Stefan Eriksson, said the driver fled on foot. Eyewitnesses say the crash resulted from racing. Eriksson said he only knew the first name of the driver, yet despite his bloodied lip, there's no blood on "his" airbag, but blood was found on the driver's airbag. Other Enzo owners will say they're sad another piece of art has been destroyed, but I'm sure they're happy because this just makes their models more valuable.

I can't even afford 1/2 of a wrecked Ferrari.



Well of course there was a crash, it's clear the car never even had a rear axle.



R.I.P. Ferrari Enzo Engine. We'll miss your 660-HP, V-12 engine that goes 0-60 in four seconds, and has a top speed of 217 MPH.

Lactose Friendly to the Last Drop

I usually start my workday with a bowl of cereal. It's part of my small snacks throughout the day diet (SSTTDD) that will eventually get detailed in another blog, probably around the same time I exercise on a regular basis again which will be around the same time it's regularly over 60 degrees in these parts which will be around the same time that there's no ice on my car each morning. Anyway, I went to get my carton of Lactaid milk only to realize there may not be enough left for this morning's bowl. I told myself to relax. I've dealt with this problem before. I know what to do. Though I am a professional, you should do this at home since it'll work for you too.

It's really milk-flavored water.

When I have little milk left, I make it a point to pour in concentric circles around the bowl for even distribution. Panic spread as the milk pooled halfway below my normal milk line. I began eating my Raisin Bran by sifting the milk from each spoonful. This way my flakes were wet, but I didn't drink any extra milk that they couldn't absorb. It's times like this that really test your character. Sure I could be greedy and drink the extra milk on the spoon, but then the other flakes wouldn't have their moment in the sun, or in this case my mouth.

Desperate times call for desperate measures when you only have a cup of milk for cereal.

Plus, I wasn't about to eat dry cereal or I would have had to add water at that point. I don't think watered cereal would taste good, but some people swear by it. Then again, many people think my fat free lactaid milk is just flavored water. Thanks to my advanced milk-saving technique, there was enough milk to douse every flake and raisin with almost no leftover milk. The next test is remembering to buy another carton this evening before getting to work tomorrow and opening the fridge only to realize I have no milk at all.