A reporter. A good reporter. A good slow speaking reporter. A good slow speaking annoyingly dramatic by talking like this reporter. (Pat Collins)

Despite my distaste for local TV news, occasionally even I will lower myself and indulge in the latest goings-on of the metro DC area. Like any major market, DC has its share of beat reporters, silly anchor banter, and at least one story that's "a major scandal". Of reporters who work outside of the studio, many of them do a good job of gathering and telling the facts. There usually isn't much separating these reporters outside of their looks (the #1 reason why people get to bigger markets) and their job detailing a live breaking news story.

Almost all live on-camera reports follow the same path. Let's say there was a serious accident on King Street in Old Town Alexandria. The report will start with a live shot during which the reporter teases the story yet again (after the anchors have done so all day long in promos and their intro). Then the tape will roll consisting of two sound bytes from police officials, shots of flashing lights, cars driving on King street, and maybe an MOS (man on the street) interview about how dangerous the intersection has been the last few years. Then a shot back on-camera as the reporter decides it's time "throw things back to the studio."

I've noticed one regular reporter separates himself from the others.

Is it because he breaks stories? Nope, not that I've noticed or care to notice (since credit for breaking news is always given to the reporter on the story no matter their input).

Is it because the cameraman he works with gets great pictures in synch with his words? Nope, the shots during his report are nothing you can't find on the other major stations (though shots during Fox's weekend broadcasts would be greatly helped if someone used a tripod).

This reporter has a certain way of speaking. And in my humble opinion (it's my blog, so I can't be humble!), his manner of speaking is so slow that it's annoying. Of course I'm speaking of WRC/NBC-4's Pat Collins, who does a good job putting together any story, but that minor detail when he opens his mouth to actually talk, happens as fast as a 100-meter sprint through molasses.

I'm at the point where I refuse to view his pieces. I no longer even wait to hear, "Pat Collins is live on the scene." NBC-4 also has George Michael, and well that's enough reason for me to change the channel before I lose another second of my life that I won't get back.

Collins' speaking reminds me of a jack-in-the-box with a dial on the side that you turn to play a song before the big surprise when it's done. Of course, his jack-in-the-box dial needs so much WD-40 because it is turned so slowly that you've forgotten the last note that was played because it was so long ago. If you've never had the (cough) opportunity to listen to his reports, try this experiment. Have someone talk to you about anything, but they're only allowed to say one word every 7 seconds. Let me know if it's annoying. Talk about pulling teeth sans anesthesia. I've always felt life moved a 1/2-step slower here in the DC area compared to the pace of life in the city (that's NYC for you newbies), but this is ridiculous.

This Washington Post article gives you a nice idea of his reporting style. Here's an excerpt:

A dead girl. A mystery. And Pat Collins. Is there.

"Doreen, she was just 15 years old," begins the Channel 4 reporter. He's planted in front of the Prince George's County cop shop, wearing, for some reason, a baseball cap. "She lived in Fairfax County."

Pause.

"She was found murdered" -- pause -- "in Prince George's County. She'd been missing for about 12 days. Now, she'd been having some problems in school. But no one" -- huge, hulking, super-dramatic pause -- "no one expected something like this."

Does he get his facts right? Sure, but as the Post wrote, "There are the odd, somewhat theatrical rhythms of his delivery, which can, he admits, turn off some viewers." Well count me in as one of those turned off by his delivery. It's just too slow. Perhaps it's because I'm a product of the first generation brought up on the Internet so I expect information to reach me when I want it and how I want it - immediately. Collins' style does not comply with the immediacy expected from local TV news either.

The saddest thing? Here's the kicker (ahh, those TV terms haven't left my writing vernacular!), once TV station owners realized the amount of profit available in local TV news (thanks to incredibly low salaries for everyone off-camera, and lots of commercials, among the many factors), the bottom line for a TV news broadcast quickly became ratings while quality quickly dropped.

If Mary Jane's cousin was murdered, it would be nice if things like the story's facts, including such aspects as, oh, I don't know, Mary's account of who her cousin wasb fill the 90-second piece instead of imposing your own take on things. While a report about the latest crime shouldn't need any help keeping our interest, the sad truth is because local TV news looks, sounds, and feels the same, you've gotta differentiate yourself to please news directors and station managers. You'd be naive to think a story is ever allowed to stand on its own. Ever wonder why you don't exactly see the ugliest people as anchors?

As a grizzled, veteran DC reporter, his skills are not to be questioned. He can gather facts like other "reporters", but he just takes too long telling it to viewers. His style is overly-dramatic when the story should be what we notice and care about.

How do you increase ratings? Well there's the whole "tears, tots, tits" theory, along with "if it bleeds it leads" to get viewers. However, if the other 3 local TV stations have the same stories because they all listen to the same police scanners (as station exclusive stories aren't daily occurrences), you can only differentiate yourself by the person actually telling the story.

And that's why Collins has been filing reports for decades. For better or worse, he's a personality in a field and market lacking any.

America's Problem Nobody Will Talk About

There's a problem in this country that nobody wants to talk about. It's part of each day that everyone faces, or better yet feels. There is a simple vaccine for this epidemic, but few want to change their ways because it has been all they've ever known. For some, it's awkward to even acknowledge, but everyone will have gone through it during their lifetime. It's time for a wakeup call and I'm just the person to do it. What is this easily curable plague that has made its way to every state of the union?

Too many Americans are going to sleep on uncomfortable bedsheets with low thread counts.

There, I said it and had to get it out there. Take a look at your sheets right now. If you've got 400 or more, this post will only serve as a reminder to your darker days, when you didn't know where to go for help nor how to stop yourself from going to bed on low quality sheets. The good news is there are many stores, both offline and on, that will gladly take your money to assist you. Try taking solace in my heartwarming and motivational story of today. It will help you see the wrong of your ways and the greatness that is before you with the right prescription.

I didn't do much with myself today and I'm proud to say that I'm not ashamed. In fact, I will use any opportunity I have to be a lazy hermit for the day. Sure I really have to go food shopping, visit the dry cleaners, file some papers, and make an appearance at the post office, but the reality is those can be done later this week.

I usually have enough motivation and energy to get errands done, let alone exercise, but I washed my light green bedsheets yesterday and put some fresh, clean, and soft light blue sheets on the bed. These super-soft sheets are my kryptonite to getting anything done. One of the best things in life is sleeping on a fresh set of sheets, and of course, my 400 thread count sheets from Linen's N' Things have this magnetic pull on me to which I will gladly succumb. Let me tell you (since it's my blog and I can) I couldn't wait to go to sleep.


When I wokeup, the softness of the sheets kept me in bed for about 2 hours until my stomach reminded me it was time for breakfast. I bumbled around the apartment the rest of today until I purposely made the mistake to go back to bed just as I was about to start exercising. To nobody's surprise, I took a little catnap for about 45 minutes and it felt great.

For the uninformed, a sheet's thread count refers to the number of horizontal and vertical threads in one square-inch of fabric. While some people argue the sheet's fabric and finish determine softness, manufacturers argue thread count is the key. The truth probably lies somewhere in between. No matter, my set of 400 threads has the feel I need.

These sheets are one of the best purchases I've ever made. Back in college, I had your familiar, average, and bland 200-250 thread count sheets. Thread counts say a lot about your age so everyone back then had sheets on the lower end. Being a (mature?) mid-20's member of society that I am, it was time for an upgrade so I went to 400 and haven't looked back. Compared to my current sheets, the ones back in college were sandpaper, and who wants to waste a day on those.

I am aware that there are much higher thread counts, though I'm just not ready for them at this point in my life. I mean, that's a big commitment that I just can't make right now. I really haven't had these sheets for too long and upgrading to even 600 threads would be too much to soon. You have to let things happen naturally. Yet in honor of full disclosure, I dream of the day when I'm at a point in my life for 1000 thread count sheets.

For now, 400 threads make me want to go to sleep or just stay in bed a little while longer. If you aren't up to 400 yet, please get help as soon as possible, you don't need to sleep uncomfortably anymore.

Cherry Blossom Festival Starts This Weekend

The start of spring only means one thing (well more than a few things, but I'm going for the dramatic angle here) in Washington D.C. - The annual blooming of the cherry blossoms around the tidal basin. I went two years ago for the first time and was amazed at how beautiful all of the trees looked as they lined the basin. It was surreal walking through the blossoms and being engulfed by them. Despite my allergies, it was well worth it.



I didn't make it back last year, but will definitely stop by during the peak bloom season. I'll see if I can remember to bring my camera for some pictures and try to control my hands from "borrowing" some blossoms from the trees. I'm glad to see they have fully recovered, letting me sleep better at night.

Headlights on when it rains is safer...who knew?

When I got up this morning and saw it raining outside my window I immediately thought of two things:

1. The commute this morning will be extra slow for safe defensive driving on wet roads

2. There will be idiotic drivers out there without their headlights on

Low and behold, wouldn't ya know it, surprise surprise, and any other phrase that fits, but there were people driving in a rainstorm without their lights on. I should have known the drive was going to be "interesting" as I got no less than 20 feet from my parking space when I was confronted with a driver sans headlights in my own parking lot! I stopped to flash my lights and even hand signal to him that he needed his lights on, but it was no use. He's Just another driver infinitely making things more unsafe in these conditions.

The beltway didn't fair much better as I was able to see 2 other cars without any lights on, despite the pour rain. I also saw a few people with only parking lights illuminated. While this is better than no lights, it really doesn't hold a candle (haha, anybody? hello? anybody out there?) to the real headlights.

The GW parkway part of the drive went quite smoothly with few of the normal backups I experience on a regular basis. Despite slower speeds, people kept their distance and things kept moving at a brisk pace. I'm sure this was due to the clouds overhead so that annoying sun couldn't do its famed sun glare action.

I don't understand why someone would drive in the rain without their headlights on. I swear it's one of the first things you learn when you drive. Wipers on, headlights on. A pretty simple concept that some people don't get that just keep putting the rest of us in danger.

Peace On Earth With Speed Walking Mall Lanes

Being able to have peace on earth sure sounds like a promising idea, but I should be honest, my innovative idea for mall walking probably won't have the impact this post's title suggests, but it got you to read this rather logical post so let's keep the momentum going while I have your attention.

While I enjoy malls like everyone else, I'm a fast shopper who knows whether or not I'm going to buy something at a store within a minute or two. Maybe it's a form of adult ADD, maybe it's because I grew up with 5 malls within a 20 minute drive. Whatever the reason, I don't enjoy a leisurely stroll through the mall and haven't really enjoyed looking at every piece of clothing on every rack. This really is because my sister takes her time when she shops by looking at everything on every rack.

I still have nightmares when I enter the mall thanks to the time my mom and I were at the GAP about 12 years ago when she not only got the salesperson to measure my waist with the tape measure, but yelled across the store asking if I found some jeans in my size. I guess this is like people who have a bad experience at a circus with clowns and are scared of them the rest of their lives.

No matter how long I'm in a mall, I inevitably (and literally) run into the same problem - Window Shopping Slow Walkers (WSSWs). I consider myself a walker closer to the fast side of the spectrum. While I'm no speedwalking champion, I tend to move faster than most pedestrian travelers. Of course, at a mall most people are taking their time with a leisurely stroll while they look at every store or just enjoy some AC and restrooms every 100 yards. The typical WSSW does not discriminate - they're men, women, children (the most dangerous), all ages, races, heights, and weights.

WSSWs are equal opportunity annoyances.

So if I'm in the Paramus Park Mall and have to make my way to Nordstrom's, I recognize my route will take me past some major stores like A&F, the GAP and even Banana. Major stores mean major WSSW clusters that increase the collision incident rate for someone like myself.




Paramus Park isn't the worst WSSW mall that I've visited - that dubious award goes to the Arundel Mills Mall that you can see below. It would seem that its circular layout and one-level construction would decrease the number of accidents because people would naturally move faster as they're on a continuous loop, but that couldn't be further from the truth.



As I begin my walk in this mall, I'm optimistic that things will go well with its wide open space for walking, even with the occasional vendor in the middle. But like so many things in life, you can do all the design and planning you want, but if you have the wrong people to execute, things won't go as planned. With many stores there are many WSSWs and the more WSSWs there are, the more children there are to create the greatest walking obstacle course possible.

Walking quickly in the mall means I have to swerve, say "excuse me", and kick, punch, and hurt j/k) my way through WSSWs. This works for most WSSWs since they recognize their slow walkingness (I can create words whenever I want!), but at the Arundel Mills Mall, the WSSWs tend to wander and not walk in a straight line, which means when I make my move to pass them, the open space that was once ahead of the WSSW, that I would essentially walk into upon passing, disappears because I did not and cannot account for their change of direction. Their direction change stems from their need to window shop and see every item in every window. They must think items for sale in a retailer's window is required for life, and to think all this time I thought it was oxygen - so much for that Biology 101 class.

Of course, when they've got children in tow, it's even tougher b/c children naturally can't stay straight, will run at odd moments, all the while stopping on a dime to stare at some bright lights coming from the latest cartoon character from Nickelodeon, Disney, PBS, etc. This is when I experience the greatest tripping incidence because my not to short 6'2" body has a high center of gravity and isn't the easiest to stop on a dime. Yet another reason I'm not the starting PG for the Knicks.

Since there is a dangerous concoction of WSSWs, their children, and faster walkers, I propose the following:

Mall corridors shall be divided into three walking lanes that exist in front of each store and travel (if you're facing the store) from the right to the left. The first lane and the closest one to the storefront is for WSSWs that want to window shop and take their time passing by, as well as those entering and exiting the store. This would act as the mall's continuous on/off ramp from a store, letting WSSWs rubberneck as they please.

The second lane is for anyone other than WSSWs such as myself who do not want to window shop and require an express lane of sorts to get to their store further down the mall. People traveling in this lane must maintain a minimum speed or else change lanes to the WSSW lane until they can get their speed back up to what it needs to be.

The third lane is reserved for the vendors that fill the middle of the corridor and give people a place to rest, etc. Due to modern mall design, a WSSW wanting to rest in the far left lane must find a quick opening to cross the express lane and rest, but it's no different than slow drivers in the right lane getting over to a left exit.

While enforcement isn't too difficult for these lanes thanks to undercover speed walking officers, most malls won't pay for such a service so users would just police themselves, including the right for fast walkers to do the aforementioned punch, kick, and hurt method of martial law enforcement. Things like the actual lane spacing vary for each mall, but I don't mind acting as a consultant for any mall ownership groups out there that want to increase revenue, keep shoppers happy, and improve traffic flow.

Did I overanalyze a problem few people recognize exists? Sure, so maybe you should just realize that when you're walking slow in the mall, try to do it closer to the store so when you abruptly stop, a faster walker isn't running you over because we're cool like that and have places to go, people to see, and things to do.

You're telling me there's civilization south of the mixing bowl?

Today was the first day of what might be many for me as I explore the hiking trails in the MD/VA area. My friend and I went south of the mixing bowl in Virginia. It's the meeting point for 495 (DC Beltway), 95, and 395 (an interstate road running from DC to 495). We visited Leesylvania State Park for the relatively easy Lee's Woods 2-mile trail. It was a nice scenic walk with some Civil War relics, Lee family cemetery, and the remains of some old homes from back in the day.

After we started our drive around 4, we noticed a really bad accident on 95 north with a crushed car, a jack-knifed trailer that appeared to have been on fire, as well as a huge hole in the sound barrier. So yeah, it wasn't a pretty thing to see. We figured it would be cleared off the road by the time we made our return trip, but boy were we wrong. We almost got stuck on the HOV lanes going north, but "managed" to get on the on-ramp to the Potomac Mills Mall. The traffic report at this time said the backup was from Franconia all the way to the mall, and as much as I enjoy hanging out in my car wearing out the brakes for at least 10 miles, our stomachs had a different idea.

We scarfed down some IKEA manager's special meals and walked around the mall until things cleared on 95. It turned out really well for me since I brokedown and visited the Linen's N' Things and bought the cast-iron skillet I've needed and good-sized pot for some chili, chicken soup, etc. Believe it or not, I made it out there without any new bedsheets.

The area including the mall and its surrounding stores takes up a huge amount of space. It was my first visit there and still can't get over the amount of retail options. We walked the entire mall, but would have appreciated a circular mall like Arundel Mills so we could just make one nice big loop. No real complaints though except many of the major stores were outlets and not the real deal, but nevertheless, it would be easy to drop some cash there. And of course, wouldn't you know it, both malls are owned by the same managing group. It should be noted that the crowd's walking speed and lane changing went very smoothly compared to the Arundel Mills.

When we hit the road around 9, traffic flowed as if there was no accident except for the hole in the wall. My legs (and most importantly my right knee) aren't hurting now, but tomorrow morning will be the test as always. Ultimate may not happen tomorrow with all of the college hoops on, but I've been stubborn before about my knee.

The sun's got an upset stomach, the Ring 2, and my final four

Well, according to one of the blog's frequent visitors, there are some great shots of the sun getting all upset over nothing again and has let out some sunspots, etc. One of them "soared some 240,000 km high, 20 times the diameter of Earth." I'm not Mr. Wizard, but if you'd like more info, etc, checkout www.spaceweather.com.

I'll be catching the Ring Two tomorrow night. I hope it comes close to the first one which was an excellent scary movie. I'm going to a 10 pm showing since the 12:30 showing might mess up any sleep I was looking forward to after a really long week. Well that, and I need to save some energy to watch basketball all this weekend.

For what it's worth, here is my final four:

Illinois will beat Wake, and UNC will beat Syracuse, with Illinois winning it all. Of course, this just means the opposite will happen, but it's fun to dream. As long as Duke doesn't win it all, I'll be a happy man.

I just saw an ad for John Basedow and man is he annoying, a post is definitely in order for this faux fitness celebrity.