I tend to stray from talking politics. We all have our views and it's unlikely anyone will convince someone else to change their mind about who to vote for. Likewise this blog doesn't bring up such topics, but for this post at least, we need to talk about what nobody's willing to talk about.
There are many issues facing the presidential candidates ranging from the economy to Iraq, health care to immigration, and choosing a blue or red tie for debates. Yet neither Obama nor McCain have stepped up to America's, and likely the world's biggest problem - improper toilet paper roll (TPR) direction. Scoff all you want, but this impacts all of us where it matters.
I dream of a day when all custodians learn the proper TPR direction.
Too many TPRs are set to rotate the wrong way. The proper TPR is placed so that the leading edge comes over the top of the roll. Bathroom managers everywhere are making the horrendous decision to lead from the bottom of the TPR. This is an affront to the American way of making tasks as easy as possible so we don't have to think. When it's time to wipe, an overhand TPR is the quickest, easiest, and most importantly, cleanest way to access your sanitary cloth.
Tremendous idea, but poor execution with underhand TPRs.
The underhand TPR is the last thing anyone wants to see when they don't have time for an alternate place of deposit. A recent survey conducted by an illegitimate firm whose credibility has not been recognized found that 94.5% of the time an overhand TPR is advantageous compared to an underhand TPR. The imaginary survey also found that 5.4% of the time neither roll direction is more favorable, and 0.1% of the time the underhand TPR is desired. It should be noted that those 0.1% respondents are all from an underhand TPR lobbying group.
An underhand TPR requires greater distance to reach the paper's edge for successful pulling. At the very least, you must reach around half of the roll's diameter as you flail your fingers for that first piece that you can't see. Often, the edge is resting on the next revolution of paper so your bacteria-laden fingers inevitably scrape the paper just to start the roll. I don't have to tell you (but I will anyway) that nobody wants to wipe with TP that they dirtied themselves, let alone someone else.
I love technology!
If you're fortunate enough to have an accessible edge, you're still traveling a greater distance to find that edge. When you're in need of TP, nobody wants to go from squatting to standing and increase the need for TP in other places. Sorry, it had to be written on the Internet sometime. What's worse, is when you do rip your sheet from the TPR, the edge returns to the start on the other side of the roll. Back to square one.
Ripping an underhand TPR is like reaching a mountain's peak only to fall and climb it again.
Consider yourself lucky when you find an overhand TPR. First, it's closer, negating the need to travel around the TPR's diameter to find relief. Second, you can clearly see the edge, allowing for pinpoint first contact accuracy and no mess on future squares. No matter where the edge hangs after ripping the TP, you'll be able to start and finish cleanly.
Finally a way to show Hello Kitty how you feel about her/it.
The greatest advantage for overhand TPR is a lower rate of premature rotational ripping. Pulling from an underhand TPR requires greater dexterity and touch to not rip the paper as you pull from the blind side. The underhand pull requires the paper to go down and then toward you. It is this directional change where we see the greatest number of elongated paper fatalities.
The overhand TPR is always a simple pull toward. At worst, you have to lift the edge and then pull toward, but you are not forced to change directions. This increases the success rate of elongated paper rolling to over 98%; a number the underhand TPR lobbyists have never refuted. Accidental broken paper pulls from an overhand TPR stem from your friend's cheap TPR buying ways or malfunctioning spindles. If you try to do a quick pull and rip from an underhand TPR it will likely cause the TP to continue rolling off of the roll.
Nobody asked about TPR direction at last week's town hall debate and that's a shame considering how split America has been on party politics. Americans deserve to know where the candidates stand (err, squat?) on this issue. I am B and T Crowd and I approved this message.
As a child of the 1980s, this article about the 10 Most Influential Education Games of the 1980s hit home. I remember playing most of these games, but I was never that good at them. I had trouble falling for the whole gaming can be fun trick my teachers tried. Why would I want to ruin a burgeoning love for videogames with something as silly as education? Plus, we only had one Apple IIc in our elementary school classrooms so getting time at the keyboard was tough. I also wasn't about to use my family's PC for education. I knew back then to never mix business with pleasure.
First on the list is Oregon Trail. I remember playing this only for the buffalo shoot range. I assume there was some educational part that may have made its way through my thick (read: stubborn) head, but I don't remember that part. I never made it to the end of the trail, often succumbing to dysentery, which was an early form of my lactose intolerance. Shooting buffalo made the game interesting, learning about our ancestors traversing the country wasn't.
It's so easy for kids in the NYC suburbs to relate to the trials and tribulations on the Oregon Trail.
Second on the list is Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, a game that introduced me to the copious amount of information in an almanac. I remember writing down clues about the villain and feverishly thumbing through the almanac, but like Oregon Trail, I'm not sure it ever kept my attention long enough to actually capture Carmen or one of the V.I.L.E. henchmen. My attention span was only so long in elementary school.
I never cut it as a private investigator.
SimCity is #3 on the list, but I never got involved with this one. It seemed like too much work, and my home computer didn't have the power to run such demanding software. The few minutes I'd spend playing it were used to create total chaos and building fires. I never played Reader Rabbit (#4), Math Blaster (#5), and Mavis Beacon Typing (#6), preferring to play learning games that at least tried to hide that they were teaching me.
I do recall putting a few hours into Lemonade Stand at #7. I had no idea I was applying economic theory when I just wanted to lower the price to gain more customers. Score one for the edutainment gaming industry. Number Munchers (#8) was a solid title, but lacked much replay value. I remember the cut scenes repeating a lot. Wikipedia says there were only 6 scenes and that sounds plausible.
Once again proving that if you squint really hard, you won't notice the awful graphics.
I know nothing about ZORK at #9, but do recall enjoying many rounds of solitaire (#10). Back in the day, I was excited to download freeware with 50 solitaire modes of play, but it took too long to learn each game's rules so the generic solitaire did the trick. Why play a game with real cards by yourself when you can play the game with fake cards by yourself and develop carpal tunnel syndrome? Who knew it would become the office time wasting standard until the World Wide Web? How working drones ever wasted their time before all of this computerized fun, I'll never understand.
I'm not required to wear a suit at work; it's khakis and polo shirts for me. This has created a backlog of formal clothes that I needed for my last position. These days I don't wear formal clothes except for weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, funerals, graduations, blogger autograph sessions, and monthly fashion shows at Nordstrom's; none of which I have attended/participated in the last year. Of course I've never gone to a a fashion show and you can tell by this blog's quality that I've never signed autographs. I only breakout the cuff links and button the collar for High Holy Day services.
As we are in the midst of the Days of Awe, I'm reminded painfully that my formal clothing viability changes a lot in a year. Shirts that were neatly pressed and dry cleaned, now have stained collars, including those still under plastic. Pants that were a snug fit a year ago are now ready to burst at the seam should I dare sit down or elongate my stride. Nobody wants to rip their pants on the Kippur.
The Gates of Repentance doesn't account for wardrobe malfunctions.
Two jackets still sit well on my shoulders, but I'd burst the buttons if I try for closure. It's just not going to happen. It also appears that the Cat spent much of his time in the closet's corner and rubbed against the bottom of one of the jackets. My other jacket is clean thanks to dry cleaner plastic wrap, but a button on the cuff is split in half. I just can't catch a break.
One flamethrower and two lint brush strips later, my jacket is cathair free...sort of.
When I'm able to find clean shirts, I face that small matter of finding a proper fit. Like my pants, it seems my shirts shrink while they hibernate in the back of the closet. This year, 4 shirts have uncleanable collar stains (gross, I know) and 2 were tossed because my neck got fatter or I just have to admit that my 17 1/2 neck won't fit in a 17 collar. Five other shirts were snug fits with slight collar discoloration and will be revived by the dry cleaners...I hope.
Sadly, I can't blame my ill-fitting collars on neck muscle exercises. Maybe it's from staring at a monitor all day.
In a last ditch effort to play it safe, I replenished some of my clothing catalog with 3 shirts from Macy's (25% off CK). This way I can safely say I have clean, pressed, and fitted white, blue, and gray shirts.
Area formalwear salesmen salivate for the High Holy Days because it's then that people like me learn suddenly that they need new clothes.
When I check my clothes to celebrate 5770 next year, I'm sure the white collars will look banana yogurt yellow, I won't be able to button my pants, and my jacket sleeves will need major tailoring. Perhaps it's time I review my clothing options long before the Days of Awe; it's the least I could do for my bank account.
I think I'm addicted to RSS feeds from Wii sites. I must check my google reader 4x per day, nevermind that I'm only interested in 5% of the mentioned games. With the release of Tiger Woods 09 and the fact that it's in my Wii console, I just look for Guitar Hero: World Tour news. The actual publisher of GH:WT, Neversoft, has confirmed the final full 100% coomplete list of songs.
I've gone ahead and linked all songs to YouTube because I'm that nice. I have an asterisk next to songs I recognize. As you can see I have a limited knowledge of music. Feel free to thank me by placing an order for GH:WT through the Amazon links below as you won't beat $189.99 anywhere.
There. I've taken the first step and admitted I have a problem. Now let me get back to checking Yahoo's StatTracker. It's imperative I know all scores in real-time down to the hundredth decimal. Would you expect me to wait the eternity that is the next morning to find out how my sleeper picks failed?
FF feeds my desire to over research what would be simple decisions for everyone else. Just look at me buying Tiger Woods 09. I watched every trailer, read every preview and hands-on article, and regularly checked EA's game blog. Everything pointed to a can't-miss purchase, yet I still waited to read a few reviews before buying the game. Any other level-headed person would have just bought the game. I am not such a person.
I have used all of them, but only have myself to blame.
I cannot just make a FF roster change. I usually read at least two player writeups and throw in my amateur thoughts. The saddest part is that all of this work has failed spectacularly every year. I am making inroads toward recovery. This year I did no pre-draft research, using Yahoo's rankings and my unreliable gut instinct, and will use one research source for in-season moves.
I've played in enough leagues and scoring formats to know that FF success is luck, pure and simple. When I've made the right move, it's a good guess than actually knowing how well someone will perform. The NFL's parity gives every team a chance at the Super Bowl and gives every FF player an equal opportunity to fail or succeed.
There are some positives to a husband who plays FF.
Just because your top running back is going against one of the worst run defenses does not, and will not guarantee 100 yards and a touchdown. This rational realization comes after many seasons of beating myself up for starting the wrong player who nets 25 yards and a fumble, instead of my benched player and his 145 all-purpose yards and a score. It's not me, it's a player beyond my control.
Our family Channukah and Christmas parties often take place on the last two FF weeks.Sadly I'm never in the running for this to matter.
To curtail my FF addiction, I make these not legally binding promises to myself.
I will think twice before picking up that day's surprise performer because he will surely under perform thereafter.
I will try to not find out that, let's say, I should start the opposing running back because a defensive line has trouble stopping the run at night against offensive lines averaging 320 pounds on artificial turf when it's less than 55 degrees in the eastern timezone during high tide with a WSW wind of 10 MPH.
I will not purchase StatTracker because I really can wait for the results tomorrow.
I will not get mad at myself after my umpteenth gut decision/educated roster move doesn't work.
My coolness/self worth doesn't get a boost because I know the 3rd running back on the Dolphins' depth chart, or could at least find it quickly.
I will never write another blog entry cataloging my addiction to FF and what it does to my psyche; I'll always play.
Three years ago I poured many hours into Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 for the XBox. The graphics were solid as was the gameplay. To swing, I simply pulled the analog stick back and pushed it forward. If done well, my tee shots went long and straight. I played through two careers until attributes and equipment were maxed out. I thought I had played the pinnacle of videogame golf.
This changed after pouring 15 hours and 25 rounds into EA's newest Tiger game for the Wii over the last 36 hours. For your enjoyment or suffering, this is my review that reads like diarrhea of the mouth because I love the game so much.
Control Instead of pushing a tiny controller stick back and forth, you swing the wiimote like...now get this...a golf club. I will never go back to the analog stick again. It works unbelievably well. Next year's version is going to use Nintendo's WiiMotion Plus add-on that'll give exact control thanks to 3 gyroscopes, but until then, this is exceptional.
Bow before the greatness that is this game.
As far as putting, I have complete distance control by angling the wiimote up and back down when I'm at the percentage I need. After setting your aiming marker that changes your putter's maximum distance, it's just a matter of hitting the percentage which is quite easy to do. I didn't play TW08, but have been told that its putting mechanics were nearly flawless, allowing you to actually putt as you would in real life; no wrist angling needed. I don't understand why EA would change this setup.
If the wiimote did it well last year, it should have been kept for this year's version. Players will be frustrated when trying a real putting motion, as I suppose my method isn't the intention. Despite TW09's not as real putting motion, I'm still satisfied when it comes to putting. This is not a dealbreaker at all. The putting mechanic isn't broken as some reviewers suggest.
Thanks to the wiimote, what you see is what you get (WYSIWYG). If your backswing and downsing are very quick, you'll hit the ball with 110% power. Take the wiimote back 60% and swing forward with the same tempo and you'll be in the 60% range. Playing on the standard setting let's you only worry about your swing speed. I think it's the way to play.
One of EA's selling points is the 1 to 1 control. For the most part this is the case. If you swing halfway, your character will only raise the club halfway too. Again, it's just a great experience swinging for your shots rather than sitting and using a controller. There's a 1/4-second delay after you move the wiimote, but it doesn't take away from gameplay because you dont' want to pause to admire your avatar mid-swing. In the advanced mode setting, you can add draw or fade depending on your wrist turn. Adding draw is a little awkward, so again, I strongly recommend playing on the standard setting where you don't need wrist turns to move the ball in-flight.
Behold, the great 1:1 swing.
Gameplay Golf play physics are in tact, as to be expected with this, the 19th EA golf game. Golf shots act as they should. Sidehill lies will not fly straight, 5-wood shots to the green won't bite with any amount of spin, and punch shots fly low with plenty of forward roll. Should you change the angle of your clubhead, the ball's flight will change accordingly. You'll see a difference between an 8.5-degree driver and a 9-degree driver.
Provided you know how to read greens or just read color-coded arrows, putting plays out very well. This year you're allowed one preview per putt that shows your ball's path if you were to hit it according to your aimer. I have no qualms with this setup and think it keeps the game fair enough. Outside of putting, you're allowed to practice your swing percentage before having to hold the B button to make it count. To add spin before the ball lands, you press the directional pad in your desired spin direction and shake the remote. Again, it just works well.
WiiMotion Plus will be great for next year's copy, but TW09 gives me my golf fix.
EA also let's you speed up play; so much so that I've finished rounds in 20 minutes. What seems like a small tweak has made a huge improvement. You can skip all animations, or just skip them as you please with a simple click of the A button. You can even skip the flyover for your pre-shot landing and skip to your next shot before the ball comes to a rest. There are a host of other time-saving changes that are appreciated and add up. You can even tailor the on-screen information if it's looks too cluttered.
All-Play All-Play is EA's attempt to make its sports games accessible for everyone from the late 20-something to a 1o-year-old nephew to a grandfather. The All-Play feature takes the work out of your swing. It shows a shots trajectory and final resting place. The player does not have to estimate pre-shot changes for the lie, wind, or green contour. I think this is a good feature that let's me play in the standard mode while a non-golf fan could be competitive and quite difficult to beat. On the Wii, it's all about inclusion. It can even be turned on and off at any point during a round. Of course this leads to unreal scores.
Seeing where your ball lands no matter how you hit it makes the game playable for all skills.
Online Play New to Tiger Woods on the Wii this year is online play. EA nailed this feature. Online play is smooth, lag free, and addicting. Yu no longer have to wait for opponents to shoot. Instead, everyone plays simultaneously, greatly reducing the time to play. A 30-second clock ensures people keep moving or face a 1-stroke penalty. If you hole out first, you get to spectate while others finish up. You will see their shots during the hole with a ball streak showing each shot's trajectory. It's a cool way to play and doesn't distract when you're about to hit.
Just as fantastic is that online play only requires a free, super-easy signup with EA's GamerNet. You don't need ridiculous friend codes to play online. You could even play as a guest and skip registering at all. You can play friends, strangers, ranked, or unranked. There are 3 lobbies to peruse: social, casual, and competitive. The match's organizer chooses the course, 18 holes, front 9, or back 9, as well as difficulty settings.
My only complaint is that when I've chosen the Play Anyone option, I can't see the match's settings, so I don't know if it's ranked or even how many holes we're playing. This morning I finished the front 9 of Pebble Beach down by one stroke and thought I had 9 more holes to battle, but that was it. Joining a game through one of the lobbies allows you to see the setup before agreeing to play.
Despite this minor inconvenience, playing onilne is a smooth experience. You can add people to a buddy list for future play that'll show you when they're online. Chatting is only available from the lobby and offers 28 messages. It would have been cool to save your best shots and upload them to GamerNet, as well as give other players mini-challenges, as in the 360 and PS3 versions, but online play is still spectacular.
Plenty of minigames to go around.
Minigames It wouldn't be a Wii game without its minigames, and this game has them in bunches, 15 to be exact. They range from hitting targets to collecting balls while driving a cart. Up to four players can play. There's a neat twist called Ball Battle in which other players can mess with the current player's shot by pushing the ball off target during any minigame. It's a cool idea to prevent people from sitting around until their turn. I've spent 5% of my time on the minigames; not because they're poor, but because the career and online modes are so great.
Juggling golf balls like Tiger is different.
Golf Modes In addition to taking your golfer through Q-School, the PGA Tour, and the FedEx cup, you can also play loads of different golf modes. I haven't tried all of them and haven't heard of half of them, so this looks like just another reason why the game's replay value is through the roof. There's even a putt-putt game; no windmills, just creatively designed putting holes using a golf course layout, albeit insane setups. It's clear EA put a lot of effort into this game. I did notice a scoring error in my 2nd tournament that took 72 shots off of everyone's scores and had no scores for the 2nd round, but the error/glitch has not returned since. Perhaps this will be rectified in a patch.
Club Tuner and Hank Haney After you play a round, Tiger's coach, Hank Haney, will give you advice. He (or the game) will have you replay shots from your last round to improve. It works well enough. You may also go to the game's driving range and tinker with your club's settings in the club tuner. After hitting any number of shots, you'll see their distance and accuracy. Then you can toggle the club's scales for distance, accuracy, workability, draw, fade, etc. I've used this once and just accepted Haney's suggestions.
Club Tuner is nice, but not needed more than once or twice.
Options and Customization As in previous Tiger games, you will customize your golfer's face, clothes, and clubs. You can purchase tons of accessories and even choose your player celebration. There are too many options to mention. As you earn sponsorships, equipment is unlocked for purchase to improve you game. Or you could just spend your money to complete your outfit of a kilt, wizard hat, turtleneck, and Foot-Joy shoes. Whatever floats your boat.
The character customization continues to be a strong asset for the Tiger Woods series. You can adjust things like hair, eye, and skin color, while also adjusting details like jawline and cheekbone structure. Two minor problems are that my eye shape didn't change no matter how I moved the sliders, and I couldn't place a mole on my right cheek. Really though, if these minuscule issues are my biggest complaints, then I'd say the game is damn good.
Should the game seem too easy on the standard setting, you're able to change the speed of the greens and fairway, the height of the rough, pin placement, tee box for the round, wind, etc. In other words, you have many ways to tailor the game to give you a fair challenge. You can even change the songs that play when you're looking at the menu screen. Did I mention you can now save at any point during your round? TW09 makes you play the round when you next turn on the game, stopping you from playing other modes, but this is a great feature. I haven't had to use it because most rounds take 20 minutes.
Graphics Yes, the graphics don't match the XBox 360 and PS3, but the Wii doesn't try to compete with them for that. The Wii version's quality does the job and really, as long as you can tell the difference in cuts of grass, your only concern in a golf game should be how it plays. I don't miss having spectators line the course or blades of grass blowing in the wind. Give me gameplay over graphics anyday. It's annoying when reviewers for Wii games bemoan how it looks compared to the other systems to penalize the game.
A dead-on video review.
Sound The game's sound is passable. The announcers work well enough and bird and crowd noises get the point across. One course I played yesterday offers a lovely toilet flushing noise around the clubhouse. I wonder what other course specific noises are waiting. The series' heartbeat sounds the same as the '05 XBox version and is still around for shots like when you try for the green in two on a par 5. Another small, but nice touch is hearing the sound of the clubhead hitting the ball from the wiimote's speaker. Tee off with your driver and a ping will immediately be heard.The sound effects don't sound any different from that 2005 version, but I'm not sure there's much to improve except for variety.
Conclusion Just buy the game already! Email your gamertag or leave it in the comments and we'll play.
I dream of a day when all custodians learn the proper TPR direction.
Tremendous idea, but poor execution with underhand TPRs.
Finally a way to show Hello Kitty how you feel about her/it. 
