Umbrellas Need Licenses Too

I use the SUV of umbrellas - a golf umbrella. This umbrella is incredibly large and impossible to miss. I enjoy having more than enough protection from the rain and feel more confident in the wind than those flimsy pocket/compact umbrellas. Unlike many an SUV driver, I do not carelessly travel with my SUV Umbrella (SUVU) and not regard my fellow walkers' space. Just because you have an SUV or SUVU does not mean you have free reign to bully and push others out of the way. I'm not ashamed of my extravagance and don't take advantage of its power other than keeping me (and three other adults) dry.

So many umbrellas...so many chances to lose an eye.

My umbrella's size guarantees a win in any head-on collision with a pocket umbrella, but I don't seek out contact. When I walk by one of those compact umbrellas, I make it a point to raise my umbrella to avoid such collisions. If there's a chance my SUVU will run into another person/umbrella, I immediately lift it above the crowd (sacrificing my dryness) and keep moving without issue. So how come those with smaller umbrellas can't do the same? I tend to be at eye-level with many umbrellas so it's a constant game of chicken between my eyesight and the umbrella's user. Unfortunately for me, the umbrella usually doesn't know that it's playing chicken so I always have to bail at the last moment. Just because it's a large umbrella doesn't mean you shouldn't care about the person underneath. I'd rather not live in fear of losing my eyesight everyday it rains.

SUVUs never act "up" like this.

Like an SUV at a gas station, my SUVU does have it drawbacks. Since I am considerate of fellow umbrella-ers, a crowded street means my SUVU can't be lowered to its normal height until its clear. Also, when I lift and tilt my SUVU around other umbrella-ers, I run the risk of dumping a tremendous amount of water on my head (and those around me) because of its size and high center of gravity. If everyone was more cognizant of their umbrella's height in relation to a passerby's eye-line and took the slightest step in the other direction, we won't have to live in a world that sacrifices dryness for a stranger's vision.

White Shirts and Me Don't Get Along

Akin to getting peanut butter on my pants, I never make it through the day without getting random ink on my newly-cleaned white shirt. Any other colored shirt never attracts such attention from ink (and certainly doesn't make it as obvious). It's not like I take a black pen and draw a 1-inch line on my cuffs for fun. What surprises me even more is when I get an ink line on my upper arm. How on earth did it get up there? I didn't put a leaky pen in a headlock underneath my armpit. Perhaps it's a cruel dry cleaner trick in which they place random ink lines on a shirt that you won't notice at pickup, but will surely notice after you're at work. This way, you have a clear and definitive reason to bring the shirt right back.

A Tortilla Chip Magnet

It has been some time since I've waxed poetically about some great food out there. This blog will never be confused for any of the food blogs out there, but I must let you know about the greatest guacamole out there. Nope, it's not Chipotle's ($1.50 for a spoonful of guac is overpriced anyway), nor will you find this guac at (everything is bland here) Baja Fresh. If you need some guac without the hassle of "making it yourself" as some people like to do, just buy AvoClassic's regular guacamole.

Behold...your guacamole search has ended

It's available at Giant and most Safeway stores, though I've found that Giant has the better price at $3.99. Unlike other store bought brands, this one doesn't go overboard with any one ingredient, making for a nice sauce for any tortilla chip. Each box yields two bags of guac that you cut open and squeeze where you want. Just be sure to eat it within a week of its purchase, or else it won't have that fresh taste as the onions take over. I care so much (or maybe I'm just that pathetic) that I told a woman, who was deciding on a guac at Giant on Saturday, that the AvoClassic brand is the only way to go. I told her to stick with the regular and she'd be just fine. I imagine she may have agreed with me just to get rid of me, but I'll take it.

Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got guac in my tummy.

Am I writing too much about this for not getting any kickback? Sure I am, but it's just because I care so much about your avocado needs.

A Passover Sedar Rap With 50 Cent and Other Reasons to Celebrate

In one week, It'll be that time of the year when we "enjoy" matzah pancakes, answer questions why we can't eat pizza or a hogie, and try as we might to keep kosher for (gasp!) an entire week.

It's Matzah, Matzah, Man!

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An oldie, but a classic:

The best (only) Matzah rap ever!

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For the rest of my blog full of rants, raves, and weak attempts at humor, its current address is: Http://bandtcrowd.blogspot.com

Cherry Blossom Festival...This Is Your Life (in 2005)

Since few things change with each year's cherry blossoms (and it's an easy post), enjoy this blast from my blog's past:

Kids in Jail, Silly Tourists, and Oh Yeah, Beautiful Flowers.

D.C.'s Best Gym With a Free Membership

Ever feel like you don't have time to workout? Did you miss another spinning class because "the man" kept you late again? Here's a solution - step all the way up an entire metro escalator. Don't worry, people will move out of your way to the right. Feel free to give them a little shove if they don't get the message...plus, those are tourists anyway. Since I traverse the Rosslyn metro twice a day, it lets me appreciate things like its incredibly long escalator. The downstep is easy since you're only falling forward and tests your balance. It's the upstep the separates the smart (non-steppers) from the stubborn (steppers).

Are you dizzy yet? And that's just the downhill.

Everyday I talk myself into recreating my people's trek through the sand with a long walk of my own. I always start with good intentions because the earlier I get up the stairs, the earlier I get to my car, and of course the earlier I get home. That is until the killer last 30% when I lose feeling in my legs. I secretly hope people ahead of me will stop in the left so I can use that excuse to stop. Of course, they know better and I find myself keeping pace with a rabbit stepper in front. When it's all over, I'm looking for some Gatorade and wondering why I'd ever do it again.

One Shining Moment

Ya won't admit it, but you can't enough of its cheese when it airs tonight.

The ball is tipped
and there you are
you're running for your life
you're a shooting star
And all the years
no one knows
just how hard you worked
but now it shows ...
(in) ONE SHINING MOMENT, IT'S ALL ON THE LINE
ONE SHINING MOMENT, THERE FROZEN IN TIME.

But time is short
and the road is long
in the blinking of an eye
ah that moment's gone
And when it's done
win or lose
you always did your best
cuz inside you knew ...
(that) ONE SHINING MOMENT, YOU REACHED DEEP INSIDE
ONE SHINING MOMENT, YOU KNEW YOU WERE ALIVE

Feel the beat of your heart
feel the wind in your face
it's more than a contest
it's more than a race ...

And when you're done
win or lose
you always did your best
cuz inside you knew ...
(that) ONE SHINING MOMENT, YOU REACHED FOR THE SKY
ONE SHINING MOMENT, YOU KNEW
ONE SHINING MOMENT, YOU WERE WILLING TO TRY
ONE SHINING MOMENT ....
-- © David Barrett